She wants to be like the moon, she tells me. For the 100th time, 25th time in the same place.
We are in my backyard that we toy our minds into believing is a makeshift meadow. The willow tree prevents the moonlight being too harsh on us, while the Zen fountain- which I want to state I installed all by myself- make gentle, gurgling water sounds.
But tonight feels different because I know that after asking her why, I will have an answer following after the shrug of her shoulders.
Maybe it’s because it shows you what you can be, despite your deepest fears, I tell her.
She rests up her elbow and looks at me decidedly with more interest. I don’t think I’ve exactly noticed how lovely her hair is. I suddenly want to play with it and I do.
She giggles and tugs lightly at it, bringing me back.
Tonight is different.
She tells me she wants to hear more.
I say- Maybe you want to be like the moon because it reminds you what you can be inspite of your darkest corners. On the days when you feel like there’s no light within you, you recoil away from everything because you don’t want to spread your darkness around.
Because you don’t realize that you’re something that cuts through mine and so many others, I add as a quiet afterthought.
Something shifts in her brown eyes. The same shade as mine and the reason why I got over the thought of them being too boring, because they looked beautiful on her. I figured, how could something with such immense power of beauty be anything other than it?
I think I have fallen.
She tugs again at her hair.
I am composed as I speak- The moon, it doesn’t have its own light. So, it takes what it receives from the sun and shines. It shines, and thinks it’s more than okay to get by and light up others’ life with a little help from those you love and love you. Even if there’s a new moon and the sun’s light fails to touch it, it doesn’t give up and hesitate to trust and receive when the cycle changes. It trusts and hence, shines, again.
Darling, not everyone’s here to hurt you. That’s what the moon’s trying to tell you. That’s how it wants to cut through your darkness- your fear of trusting people and taking from them; by grace, through faith, I finish.
Her smile dazzles. She hugs me tight.
Us, two girls moonlight bathing.
From that moment onwards, I find myself changed.
I vow to myself that I’ll be her sun.
For, seeing her shine is unearthly and I believe she belongs with the stars.
I know I have fallen.