What She Is.

I. She’s a lover.
She has a heart, a mind and a soul. 

She says her mind dictates her, but does she not remember how she lost her mind when in love with him, the one that came before you?

She had a soul that was different, which he shattered when he left. 

She had a heart which he kept hanging over a ravine, knowingly or unknowingly. 

She had a heart so powerful that it shut her mind’s incessant insecurities up. 

She had a heart so powerful that it crumbled her soul’s wild desire to be set free, from his tyranny. 

She had a heart so silly, it did things under love’s name that didn’t belong there.

She gave him all of her big heart in hopes that he’d find a place in it to stay, absolutely anywhere that he felt home. 

He took every key and fleed, 

So that she couldn’t lock the doors 

And he could walk in and out,

As he pleased. 

She had a heart, that was in love and collapsing upon itself.

Fool or faithful, you decide. 

II. She had friends who pointed out her folly to her. 

She was magic, you see, for she created time for him that could only be spent on him, when he wished to. 

She had friends who reminded of the words- “time and tide wait for no man” and in her case, they shouldn’t even.

She protested. 

She accepted. 

She lost.

She won.

Broken or mended, you decide. 

III. She berated herself for being so unseeing.

She forgave herself for not listening to her mind’s and soul’s cries that sung-c a u t i o n.

She was healing her own heart. 

She swore that she’d call it ‘love’ only when her Holy Trinity (heart, mind and soul) proclaimed a heart the Vatican. 

She swore that she’d call it ‘love’ only when such shitty analogies about love and a God she didn’t even believe in were the only things that would help her make sense of the situation. 

IV. She met you. 

She was afraid because it took a week of speaking to you and she knew she was going to be in love, all over again. 

She learnt your tragedies and your victories. 

She knew she was there when she felt her heart tug every time you called something of yours a “flaw”. 

She knew she was there when her heart reached and claimed its throne atop vulnerability. 

She gave love another shot because she was a lover. 

‘Why why why’ or ‘WOOHOO!’, you decide. 

V. She fell in love.

She found love.

She is keeping love, for the first time. 

She can never thank you enough for burning away traces of him. 

She can feel you ripping away the dictionary of love that clung to herself, ripping away one page at a time. 

She can never thank you enough because she realizes it with you that her definitions were co-authored by the wrong person.

She can feel you writing new ones that exist in annoying moons, horrible pick up lines, reassurances when she asks for them. 

She has never been in love so much and not been broken. 

She hopes to not be a bother to you, ever. 

She doesn’t want to be anything that causes you to leave, at least not this soon. 

She wants to be what makes you stay and keep loving her. 

She ardently hopes you care enough to find these hidden words. 

She hopes that you care enough to read between the lines and ask her for a map leading to them. 

Lastly, she hopes that you will love not only the title that she has written these words under, but what she was and will be. 

Because she will stop at nothing to give you the world, for she’s in love.

-Kimaya Ingale. 

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