To your deprived soul,
The ends of relationships aren’t exactly the best time to have a ‘soul to soul’, are they?
Whatever, I’m known to not have the best timings anyway.
I begin by applauding myself on my ability to not stop giving to people like you, who never cease to take. No returns, included. To others who haven’t had the opportunity to go through what I went, I might seem shallow, stupid and naive. But, I’ve learnt to not anyone belittle my pain, let alone my fury. Your indifference holds no ground, because this one, this time it’s all about me.
From where shall I commence MY story? Most tragedies begin with the general happiness and work their way down to the state of hurt. To pain. To grief. To nothing.
I don’t think I’ll be doing that.
Now that I’m mostly out of pain, I’ll add my own word to corroborate the statement that pain does demand to be felt. And I’d like to add that it does not only ‘feel’; I felt it resonating in every sinew of defense I had built for myself. It leeched itself onto all those minor details that my happy self missed out on, magnified them and watched them on a repeat on the giant screen known as my heart.
But worse than that was the blackout. The emptiness of the long hallways of nothingness. At least the pain brought with it, the flickering of lights. Some darkness is always better than complete darkness, I swear. I didn’t see the stars shine brighter, because the black seeped into my eyes. For the first time, the girl who never screamed during countless Friday Fright Nights, screamed internally. And all voices bodiless sound scarier, don’t they?
Now, I don’t really know what brought the lights back on.
Okay, I’ll admit it. It was seeing your face. And through your eyes, I glimpsed your deprived soul. You served as a reminder of why I deserved better. For that, I thank you. You reminded me in the harshest way possible that even after giving my heart to someone, I can live.
Scientifically that wouldn’t be possible, yes.
However, since science couldn’t provide the road for my recovery, I say that it was my soul and my mind that kept me alive. I’ve always been one of those people bowing down to the whip cracks of my mind, and I’m proud of the way it has me tamed. Heart and soul, wholly.
So, take away my heart. I now live in a place, in my mind where I can conjure up infinite others for the reasonable amount of heartbreaks that I know I’ll be going through, till I find someone worthy of my soul.
Last but not the least, I will tell you that I won’t be scrambling in darkness, not the one you left me in, anymore.
-From my revived soul.
-Kimaya Ingale.
|NOT|THE|ONE|YOU|KNEW| 