Ever wished to have real claws instead of those puny, mundane version of them, called ‘nails’? And for what? To scratch away your skin? To scratch, scratch, scratch ’til you see red. And why? Because you, at this moment, no longer feel comfortable in it?
If your answer was ‘yes’ to all or even one of these questions, then read on, because these next words are just for you.
Oh, and if your answer was ‘no’, still read on, because no one knows in this pseudo-world of uncertainty what you might need in the future or even in the next hour.
So here you, a step-by-step – ‘How to love your own self, when you need it most.’
1. First off, in your current situation, switch over from your emotional state-of-mind, to the practical and emotionally stable one. Need help doing that? No worries. Just think that you are on the verge of completing your wish of eating without getting fat (who doesn’t wish of that?) and for the last stage, you need your practicality. That’ll get you your practicality out, all guns blazing!
2. Get away from the thing that caused you to feel this way; no one needs that kind of negativity in their lives.
3. Think about what caused you to feel this way, darling. Get out all of them negatives and place them on one side.*
*Writing it works best.
4. Now get the positive times, the ones where you felt goddamn lucky and happy to be ‘you’. Take as long as you want, but get all of ’em out.
5. Now it’s as simple as reaching for that Twix and tearing its wrapper. Or scratching your bum.
Weigh them against each other.
a) If you find the positives out-weighing the negatives, then just concentrate on the +ves. Feel them vibrate in your bones.
Focus. Breathe. Let Go.
Remember that it was that same skin of yours that lived those happy moments, and it will be the same skin that will be living the coming future ones! If you want, you can make it better before the COMING HAPPY MOMENTS (CHM). That’s even easier.
Get your booty off the bed and run. Run for all those CHMs, run to live, to breathe. Run to leave all the monsters behind, to leave that old shadow of yours. Run to catch up with the new one. But, run.
b) If you find the negatives more in number, don’t worry. You must have had some positives. Just do the same as above, but with more ardour and grit.
c) God forbid, but if in case you can’t conjure up the positives, remember that you have your own CHMs. Believe it with everything in you. Just get up (obviously, only after you’re done reading) and go to a mirror. Say this out loud:
“I am the maker of my own CHMs. I AM, and it is all that matters. Because it is with this me, that someone loves me, is proud of me and wants to be like me. And I will NOT be ashamed of it.”
Say it for as long as it takes for it to get to you. If your mom comes up, wondering what in the world you are doing, tell it to her too.
5. That’s all I’ve got for you now. This is the best advice I can give you, and without adding at the end, “it’s totally up to you though”, so that if anything goes wrong, it won’t be my fault (trust me, I do that a LOT). Because I know that this won’t fail. Even if no one else, I believe in you and am proud of how far you’ve come. This won’t be easy, but go for it. Just get out of this.
“Your life, your canvas, is waiting to get splattered by the colours of your CHMs.”